Snow Day 16/1/24
I first heard the term ‘fertile void’ on this episode of the Saturn Returns Podcast, and I immediately resonated with it. So many things change in a physical sense for me last year- relationships, jobs, living situations- and it left me in this place where I couldn’t go back to the life I had, yet I had no idea what the future looked like. The structure of my life had been removed and I was rebuilding from the ground up.
Yet even though this unknown felt scary and was definitely anxiety-inducing, I knew that I had to hold this space to allow me to transform from one version of myself to the next, whilst also remembering that I was still living in the present moment.
Space can sometimes felt empty, and we can desperately try and want to fill it with something, yet we often don’t know what we truly need. We are just trying to escape the fear of the emptiness and the unknown.
But if we can just allow ourselves to hold it empty, so much can shift under the surface. We rest, recharge, reset, replenish, renew….And I definitely felt like I Re-Becca-ed (sorry couldn’t resist).
I realised this return to self in December, when it dawned on me that for the first time in my life I can say that I truly trust myself. I completely back myself.
I shared this with a friend in a Café recently and unexpected tears came, whilst she held the space so beautifully (you know who you are- thankyou ❤️). They were tears of release, joy and liberation, and tears of sadness for how long I had doubted myself.
Ever since I remember, whenever someone questioned, doubted, or plain did not like something that I had done, it was an opportunity to completely beat myself up about my choices. They were right, and I was wrong. How could I have been so stupid yet again?
I really doubted myself, and all that does is take you further from your truth and authenticity, which then means that any actions or choices you do take are from a place of disconnection from your values. Now I’m not saying I went out and murdered anyone (😬), but I was so disconnected from myself that it was hard to know what was the right choice for me. And then when someone questions that, you question yourself as, quite often, you hadn’t considered that action from your place of truth.
But from going through the changes of last year, and putting myself in uncomfortable situations which I knew would stimulate growth, I allowed myself to return to me. To full on self-trust.
Heading to Little Hart Crag from Dove Crag 7/1/24
This is what happens when we go through a void; we might not know what the future looks like, and everything can feel uncertain and empty, but so much is shifting beneath the surface that we can’t tangibly see yet. But sooner or later we begin to feel that shift within which causes a ripple effect throughout our whole life.
This is how I view Winter, and January. A fertile void. A pregnant pause. Everything can feel low and empty: our energy, mood, motivation, social life, bank account….but this is an opportunity to create a healthy base upon which to grow what really feels right to us. Just like the earth outside our soil is frozen and empty, resting and restoring ready for the first seeds to be sown.
The entrance into Spring on the Celtic Wheel is the Fire Festival of Imbolc, and occurs around the 2nd February. You might think that seems a bit early, but our ancestors were thought to celebrate this time as the passing of winter and the start of the agricultural year. The first leaves appear, the first seeds are sown and light is increasing. Imbolc is an Irish-Gaelic word roughly translated as ‘in the belly’ and is thought to represent what the land has been nurturing throughout winter (AKA your fertile void), and ‘ewe’s milk’ to mark the start of the lambing season.
Dove Crag 7/1/24
If you’d like to honour Imbolc, consider lighting a candle in every room of your house on the eve before, or turn on all the lights, to symbolise the returning of the sun. Take time to be in sunlight if you’re lucky enough to have it on or around this day. Be in nature barefoot (this doesn’t have to be fancy- I start and end each day by standing barefoot in my garden). Create something, as this is also a time when Brigid, the Goddess of Poetry, Healing, Smithcraft and Midwifery, is celebrated. Also, read Witch by Lisa Lister which is where this information comes from.
Or/and just take some time to celebrate and honour the returning of the light in whatever way feels right to you.
I know that this isn’t always the easiest time of the year, so aim to nourish and be kind to yourself, rest, and find the support that you need.
I hope you enjoyed reading this and I would love to know your thoughts, so please pop them below in a comment :
Love, Re-Becca 😜 x
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"I couldn’t go back to the life I had, yet I had no idea what the future looked like. The structure of my life had been removed and I was rebuilding from the ground up.
Yet even though this unknown felt scary and was definitely anxiety-inducing, I knew that I had to hold this space to allow me to transform from one version of myself to the next, whilst also remembering that I was still living in the present moment.
Space can sometimes felt empty, and we can desperately try and want to fill it with something, yet we often don’t know what we truly need. We are just trying to escape the fear of the emptiness and the unknown.
But if we can just allow ourselves to hold it empty, so much can shift under the surface. We rest, recharge, reset, replenish, renew"
This resonated so much
"I couldn’t go back to the life I had, yet I had no idea what the future looked like. The structure of my life had been removed and I was rebuilding from the ground up.
Yet even though this unknown felt scary and was definitely anxiety-inducing, I knew that I had to hold this space to allow me to transform from one version of myself to the next, whilst also remembering that I was still living in the present moment.
Space can sometimes felt empty, and we can desperately try and want to fill it with something, yet we often don’t know what we truly need. We are just trying to escape the fear of the emptiness and the unknown.
But if we can just allow ourselves to hold it empty, so much can shift under the surface. We rest, recharge, reset, replenish, renew"
This resonated so much