October round up: Creating meaningful connections, silent meditation+lots of little things
A new style of monthly letter
Sunset walks 29/10/23
It’s taken me a while to sit down and write this, mainly because I was placing a lot of emphasis (aka pressure on myself) on what the ‘main’ topic had to be, and I had no real idea of what I wanted to talk about in detail. This then became a little overwhelming and stifled any inspiration that I had.
So I’ve decided to go for what feels good right now, which is another little change in format focusing on lots of little things from October so far, kinda like a mini ‘newsletter’. I would love your feedback on this style, so do pop your comments below or reach out via the links provided at the bottom.
What I ramble about in this letter:
What do meaningful connections actually look like?
When I am calm…
Walking the Ullswater Way
Lesson of the month
Main lessons from a 10 day silent meditation retreat (podcast on it here)
My favourite moments
Share your imperfect selfies- Join the #highlightreal
What do meaningful connections actually look like?
One of my focuses of the year was to create more meaningful connections in my life. A lot of my friends have young children and partners so are pretty busy, and with young kids about it is a little more difficult to have those in-depth conversations. I also have quite a few friends that I have long message or voice note conversations with, but rarely see in person. This is all beautiful and creates a different type of connection, but I just felt a little alone really, missing more in-person company, especially fresh out of a relationship.
So this essentially led to me joining the Bumble friends App, in the hope that I would find a sort of ‘best friend’, teenage girl style, that I would spend most of my spare time with, talking about boys whilst out walking the fells (ok my teenage self would definitely have chosen the pub over a hike).
Turns out that meeting someone you found online that seemingly ticks all the boxes does not mean that you will gel in person (who knew?), and now I am left wondering how to ‘break up’ with this friend (“I think we should see other…friends?” Suggestions welcome). Also, as another part of my whole meaningful connection journey is to spend less time communicating online and rather in-person, this really did not make sense.
BUT the other day I realised that I have actually found the meaningful connections that I was looking for, and they are different to what I thought they would be.
They have been through lots of little encounters with like-minded people on a walking group, an old friend I bumped into in town, on a meditation course or even in hostels when walking the Cumbria Way. I have had such nourishing conversations that the human need for meaningful connection has been satisfied. Some I am still in touch with and seeing in-person, others I will probably never see again. But I have realised that it isn’t about the time spent with someone, or finding ‘frequent contact’ friendships; it is about the open and expansive conversations with people into similar things like me.
This post also explores the topic of friendship, and even though I don’t have the paid version, the beginning really got me thinking so I totes recommend a read:
My favourite moments of meaningful connection include the last day of the silent meditation course, where I was able to speak with so many people who had just been through the same experience as me. And infact one of the most powerfully meaningful moments of connections was on the last morning of silence, where about 7 women watched the sunrise together. We had never spoken, but we had been in each others company for the previous 9 days, in communion on this journey into our inner world, and we were all deeply connected to nature in that moment. I was holding back the tears, it was just so beautiful.
My other favourite moment was at Elterwater Hostel, where I met 3 amazing, open people after day 2 of the Cumbria Way, who were from all different countries around the world, and in the Langdale Valley for different reasons, on different journeys.
So I guess what I have been reminded of here is that we have to let go of the vision of what our wants and needs will look like, and rather just focus on the feeling of what we want, and why we want it, then follow that. In this instance it didn’t create a sense of resistance when it came in a different form, but with other desires it definitely has done before, and when it doesn’t turn out the way we envisioned it would, we suffer.
And we also can block ourselves from realising that we may already have achieved it, just in a different form, or miss opportunities because they don’t look like what we thought they would look like.
Hated this song when I first heard it, only song I skipped on the album, but now listening to it obsessively:
When I am calm…
I am much more able to be still, and mindful. I am more connected to my body, my hunger and my fullness, and choose more wholefood options, eating past the point of fullness a lot less. I like listening to the every day sounds all around me: the sound of my dog breathing, the keys on the keyboard as I type right now, the rhythmic sound of my waterproofs as I walk. I have much less of an impulse to pick up my phone. I have much more inspiration and ideas. I notice more. I am present.
The Ullswater Way
I walked the Ullswater Way (20 miles around Lake Ullswater) for the second time this year (and second time in my life) with my friend who was visiting, and I really noticed the difference between walking it in early Summer and now Autumn. I really loved the contrast, seeing how the seasons had changed, and how I had changed since the last time I walked it. Then it got me thinking…should I walk it in Winter and Spring? TBC…
Lake Ullswater 21/10/23
Lesson of the month
Let go of what you think you need and what that looks like, in order to see the options open to you, and to receive what is best for you
Main takeaways from 10 days of silent Vipassana meditation (listen to podcast below)
Quick summary of Vipassana (total injustice but here we go)- a form of meditation focusing on self-observation and the purification of mind, that is non-religious and open to anyone. Personally, I think it is one of the most powerful things you can do to improve your life.
If you’re into personal development, or looking for freedom from the thoughts in your mind and to live a more freeing and fulfilling life, give this a try. There are centres all over the world and they are donation-based, making it accessible to all. Any questions please ask :)
No pressure, no diamond This course is incredibly tough, but really highlights the need to be put under pressure to grow, improve and realise our potential
I was reminded of my strength and my power On day 5 you begin to do 3 x 1 hour meditations a day without moving your hands, adjusting your leg position or opening your eyes. Just don’t move basically. It is incredibly torturous to begin with, but once you realise that moving doesn’t really stop any discomfort, you embrace it and realise that you’re fucking invincible
Start again This is repeated throughout the course, and it reminds us that every moment is an opportunity to start again. Aswell as the fact that change doesn’t happen in one step
We create so much suffering in our lives just by resisting and not accepting I started to get nerve pain down my legs on day 3, went to see the teacher who told me to just accept and surrender, it’ll pass or move elsewhere…I wasn’t fully convinced…but when I finally took on this advice and fully surrendered, I came out of that meditation with no pain at all, and it subsided fully a day later
Life is so much better without a phone/ an unhealthy relationship with it You are trusted to leave your phone in a locker for the 10 days so have no contact with the outside world. Once you get through the resisting bit, it is bliss
Walking slowly is really peaceful, and not as hard as I thought it would be The first time I did this course in Thailand in 2017 I had an unhealthy relationship with my body, food and fitness and paced the walking area every moment I could. But this time I walked slowly and mindfully, and really felt connected and present
Self-discipline is key The course reminds you of the importance of this, and what is needed to make real change through incorporating the lessons learned into your daily life
The lessons are life-changing but they won’t change your life unless you do the work Also see the self-discipline bit above
Favourite moments
Seeing 2 shooting stars on 2 separate occasions 🌠
Breakfast in bed with Bomber ❤️
Watching grey squirrels collecting and burying nuts (I’ve never seen this before and was genuinely wondering whether it was a myth)
Breaking my silence on the silent meditation course by saying hi to a robin that definitely turned and tweeted to me. I said hi, it tweeted again, then hi, then tweet, hi, tweet…worth breaking the silence for and would do it again.
Finding my creativity again making a map collage for my friends wedding present. Loved my idea, execution could have been better but they were very kind about it.
Mindful cooking: becoming present with cooking, as I have found it so difficult recently. My friend Liz Harris has really inspired me to become one with the process of creating and connecting with food again, and she shares her experience on her Substack:
Cooking and dancing to Radio 1’s Chillest Show with a non-alcoholic G+T. First heard this song on there which I frickin’ love:
What have been your favourite moments of the month?
Share your imperfect selfies #highlightreal
Every week on Substack Chat (download the app to join for free) I am sharing a selfie that was destined to be deleted. You know, 1 of the other 49 you took that weren’t good enough to be posted (AKA you weren’t good enough).
It’s something that I started on Instagram which I have now left, so I want to bring it here because I think we really need to work on dropping this idea of perfection when it comes to how we look and present ourselves. I don’t think it does our relationship with ourselves any good.
Here’s an example, and feel free to post your below, to make a beaut #highlightreal:
Getting soaked up on Fairfield fell 27/08/23
And there we have, I would love to know what you think of this style and you can let me know by leaving a comment or via one of the ways below:
Contact me here:
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Email me: rebeccaguy@live.co.uk
Love,
Becca x